Turning Toddler Tantrums at Bedtime into Sweet Dreams

By Mellow Editorial Team · 3 minute read

May 8, 2024

Hey, sleepy parents! If you've clicked on this, you've got a little one who thinks sleep is for the weak, and you are likely navigating toddler tantrums at bedtime. Welcome to the club – you're not alone, and Mellow is here to help. We're all about cutting through the noise (and the tears) to make bedtime a breeze, or at least less of a hurricane.

Why Is Bedtime Suddenly a Battlefield?

Believe it or not, your toddler isn't staying up late to plot world domination (yet). Toddler bedtime tantrums often kick into high gear around 18 months. They're hitting big milestones that shake up their world – and yours by bedtime. This isn’t just your toddler’s new hobby; it’s a part of their development.

Here's the deal:

Independence Day: They're learning they can say no, and they love testing it out on you. It's their way of saying, “Hey, I’m my own person!” and bedtime is an easy target for this exploration.
Imagination Station: Their brains are exploding with creativity, and are often too stimulated to settle down.
Too Tired to Tuck In: Skipping naps or too much play can leave them wired and wide awake. An overtired baby gets flushed with cortisol and adrenaline, making it so much harder to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Change Is Hard: Toddlers are present-oriented; stopping one activity to start another (especially sleep) can be a big ask.
Sleep Regression Alert: Just when you thought you had it all figured out, toddler sleep regression might make an untimely entrance, disrupting sleep patterns, testing your patience, and making your little one resist sleep more than ever.

Mellow's Tips for Smoother Bedtimes

How do you turn those bedtime woes into Zzzs?. With some adjustments and understanding, navigating toddler sleep regression and tantrums can be smoother.

1. Set expectations

Set clear expectations about what bedtime entails. A simple countdown can work wonders.

Why It Works: It helps prepare them mentally for the transition. Mellow Tip: Tell them, "Five minutes until bedtime," so it's not a surprise. Use a visual timer.

2. Choices, Choices

Giving your toddler choices within boundaries can work miracles.

Why It Works: This simple decision-making process gives them a sense of control, making them more likely to cooperate.

Mellow Tip: Offer simple choices like, "Red pajamas or blue tonight?". Replace a question like “Do you want to go to bed?” with “It’s time for bed. Do you want to walk to your room or do you want me to carry you?”

3. Consistent routine

Have a bedtime routine that doesn’t change much from night to night.

Why It Works: Knowing what comes next is comforting and cuts down on the chaos. Mellow Tip: Bath, story, and then to bed with lights out is a classic combo that can be comforting for them.

4. Boundaries

Understanding their desire for independence while maintaining bedtime rules is key.

Why It Works: They learn that bedtime isn't negotiable, but they're still heard.

Mellow Tip: Validate their feelings, "I see you're upset, but it's still bedtime." By validating their feelings, you're essentially telling them, "I see you, I hear you, and it's okay to feel this way." This acknowledgment can be very comforting and often is the first step in calming them down.

If your toddler continues to be fussy or cries even after you've validated their feelings, offer physical comfort and reassurance while still holding the boundary.

5. Manage Sleep Regression

The dreaded 18-month sleep regression can feel like a step backwards, but it's a normal part of your toddler's development. Your toddler might wake up more at night, take shorter naps, or fight sleep altogether.

Healthy sleep foundations: can reduce the impact and length of disruptions due to a regression. This includes having an ideal sleep environment, responding timely to tired signs, and being able to self-settle to sleep without assistance.
Stay the Course: Keep up your bedtime routine; consistency is key during these turbulent times.
Adjust daytime activities: Make sure daytime activities are age-appropriate, filling their wake windows with engaging, energy-burning play. Appropriate wake window durations can also help with better sleep at night. If your toddler is taking more than 30 minutes to fall asleep, its time to further investigate their wake windows and sleep schedule.
Patience is key: Easier said than done, but remember, each regression phase is just that—a phase. Sleep regressions can typically last between 2-6 weeks. But the good thing about sleep regressions is they come with new exciting skills for your little one.

You've Got This!

Remember, you’re doing a great job, and Mellow is here to support you with simple and effective tips, because we know parenting is both wonderful and a bit of a wild ride.

Keep going, you've got this, and so does your little one.

See our guides to your Toddler’s bedtime routine, Wake windows, and daytime activities for more guidance.