Temperament: Understanding your child’s uniqueness

Ever wonder why some parenting tips work for other kids, but not yours? The secret might be in your baby's temperament! Understanding your baby's unique temperament can transform your parenting journey, making it smoother and more joyful for you both. Temperament is influenced by both nature and nurture, and it can evolve over time. By knowing better about your child's temperament type,  you can get equipped to create the best environment for their healthy development.

What is Temperament, Anyway?

Think of temperament as the emotional rhythm your little one grooves to, right from the get-go. It’s how we naturally respond emotionally, and is influenced both by genetics and our daily experiences. It appears in infancy and can predict future personality traits. A well-known study identified nine key temperament traits, categorizing them into three types: easy, slow to warm up, and highly sensitive. The research also found that 65% of children fit one of these 3 categories, while the rest have a mix of traits - highlighting each child's uniqueness.

Tuning into temperament types - parenting tips

Research has defined 9 temperament traits, further classified into 3 overall temperament types - Easy, Highly Sensitive & Slow to warm. 5 of the 9 temperamental traits are crucial to defining each temperament type (as shown in the table below). 

More below on signs and signals to identify these types, and tips to manage associated behaviors.

• Highly sensitive temperament
• Slow to warm temperament
• Easy temperament
• Embracing Uniqueness

Highly Sensitive Temperament: Not ‘difficult’, just distinct!

These children are sometimes referred to as ‘difficult’ babies because there can be certain challenges that parents need to be prepared for in order to handle.

The following 5 traits mainly contribute to a highly sensitive temperament type.

1. Regularity:

• What it is: Level of regularity in everyday biological functions
• Spot the signs: For highly sensitive children, the time they fall asleep, amount of food intake, time of bowel movement each day etc. varies from day to day.
• Pro-tip: Allow some flexibility in your child’s daily schedules while watching for cues of tiredness/hunger etc. Try to allow your child to nap or rest for shorter or longer than other children if it seems necessary. Provide many opportunities for diaper changing or toileting. If he/she gets tired a little earlier, go with it and make time to rest. Or, if your child is not showing signs of being tired, let him/her stay up a little longer doing some quiet activities.

2. Approachability:

• What it is:The initial response to new stimuli, such as people or environments.
• Spot the signs: Your highly sensitive child might be thoughtful and observant of new people, explore new toys slowly, resist new environments like the beach, and struggle to sleep in new surroundings. Highly sensitive children need extra time, understanding and support in new situations.
• Pro-tip: Think of yourself as a safe home base for your child. When meeting new people, if your child seems reluctant and withdraws, introduce them from the safety of your arms. Suggest to your guests or new people to take it slow when they interact with your child. For older children, you can prepare them by telling them what to expect: "We're going to a friend's house together, they have a little cat". Read your child books about meeting new people, going to a new school, or other experiences of the 'unknown'. These children do need your encouragement and support to try new experiences and set them up for healthy development.

3. Adaptability:

• What it is: The ease with which the child adjusts to changes or new situations.
• Spot the signs: Highly sensitive children will have a hard time transitioning from one activity to another, needing more warnings and more understanding from you to help them through the transitions. They may continue to reject new foods, diaper changes, change of clothes, haircuts etc. for a long time before they come to accept these.
• Pro-tip: Let these children adapt at their own pace, as pressure to adapt faster might increase their withdrawal. Give your child warnings a few minutes ahead of what's coming, and use a transition object if possible. Ex: "We're heading to the bath in ten minutes, do you want to take your toy and play with it in the bathtub instead?". Set a visual and auditory timer, this can help some children transition better. Try to keep a regular routine and time of doing things whenever possible, so they are prepared for what to expect. Provide them comfort and understanding - “I know this is sooo hard for you because it's new. It's ok, Should we play with something else for now and come back to this later?". 
  Some children might fall in the middle - have an easy time with foods but a difficult time with new places or faces. Allow them to take it at their pace, while providing gentle encouragement, transition support, and repeated exposures until they adapt. Repeated gentle encouragement can help address their natural tendency to withdraw from the things they do not like.

4. Intensity:

• What it is: The energy level of responses, whether positive or negative.
• Spot the signs: Highly sensitive children children have powerful reactions - both to positive and negative things. It's important to remember that your child is not purposely being challenging. They express feelings with great intensity ex: squealing when happy, shouting loudly when angry, a huge cry when upset. they may cry loudly when their diaper is wet or a toy is taken away, scream from excitement or delight, laugh hard during physical play, scream and kick when their temperature is taken etc.
• Pro-tip: It's important to remember that your highly sensitive child is not purposely being difficult or dramatic. Don’t punish them for strong reactions, they are just being who they are! When your child becomes distressed, offer physical comfort by holding them close or massaging their back. You can help by showing them you understand how they feel in the moment and accept those feelings - “I know you’re feeling sooo sad right now, I get upset sometimes too”, “You are kicking your legs and waving your arms, are you excited!?”. Very young children can still pick up on your facial expressions and tone even if they don't understand words yet. 
  First, find ways to soothe their strong emotions in the way that works best for you and them - gentle music, holding them etc. Then, when they are more calm and regulated, show them ways to express their feelings - for example, tell them a story about feeling frustrated, and take a few deep breaths together to mirror how to calm down.

5. Mood:

• What it is: This is the natural tendency towards a happy or unhappy demeanor.
• Spot the signs: Highly sensitive children appear to be more subdued than happy, with a demeanor that seems more calm. They may not show many positive emotions externally, but will still feel positive things. They may cry when they wake up, cry when put down or left alone, get fussy after nursing, cry when frustrated or when they don’t get enough sleep. They may seem to generally have a serious mood.
• Pro-tip: Accept that your child may not be outwardly happy all the time, but that doesn’t mean they are not experiencing happiness. Help them know that this is ok and allow them to express himself/herself in their own way. You can also help by labeling emotional reactions as an encouragement to develop emotional vocabulary - “Your face shows me you feel sad - did you not like doing that?”

When it comes to sleep training, highly sensitive children might do better with more gradual approaches to learn to fall asleep independently, while remaining consistent with bedtime routines and the right sleep environment.

Slow to Warm Up Temperament: Give them time to tune up!

These children need time to adapt to situations at their own pace. The following 5 traits mainly contribute to a slow to warm up temperament type.

1. Approachability:

• What it is: The initial response to new stimuli, such as people or environments.
• Spot the signs: Your slow to warm child might be thoughtful and observant of new people, explore new toys slowly, resist new environments like the beach, and struggle to sleep in new surroundings. They need extra time, understanding and support in new situations.
• Pro-tip: Think of yourself as a safe home base for your child. When meeting new people, if your child seems reluctant and withdraws, introduce them from the safety of your arms. Suggest to your guests or new people to take it slow when they interact with your child. For older children, you can prepare them by telling them what to expect: "We're going to a friend's house together, they have a little cat". Read your child books about meeting new people, going to a new school, or other experiences of the 'unknown'. These children do need your encouragement and support to try new experiences to set them up for healthy development. 

2. Adaptability:

• What it is: The ease with which the child adjusts to changes or new situations.
• Spot the signs: Slow to warm up children will have a hard time transitioning from one activity to another, needing more warnings and more understanding from you to help them through the transitions. They may continue to reject new foods, diaper changes, change of clothes, haircuts etc. for some time before they come to accept these.
• Pro-tip: Let these children adapt at their own pace, as pressure to adapt faster might increase their withdrawal. Give your child warnings a few minutes ahead of what's coming, and use a transition object if possible. Ex: "We're heading to the bath in ten minutes, do you want to take your toy and play with it in the bathtub instead?". Set a visual and auditory timer, this can help some children transition better. Try to keep a regular routine and time of doing things whenever possible, so they are prepared for what to expect. Provide them comfort and understanding - “I know this is sooo hard for you because it's new. It's ok, Should we play with something else for now and come back to this later?".
  Some children might fall in the middle - have an easy time with foods but a difficult time with new places or faces. Allow them to take it at their pace, while providing gentle encouragement, transition support, and repeated exposures until they adapt.  Repeated gentle encouragement can help address their natural tendency to withdraw from things they do not like.

3. Intensity:

• What it is: The energy level of responses, whether positive or negative.
• Spot the signs: Slow to warm up children express feelings with medium intensity - Ex: laughing when happy, cry or fuss when their diaper is wet or a toy is taken away, laugh during physical play, make some fuss over changing clothes etc.
• Pro-tip: When your child becomes distressed, offer physical comfort by holding them close or massaging their back. You can help by showing them you understand how they feel in the moment and accept those feelings “I know you’re feeling sooo sad right now, I get upset sometimes too”, “You are kicking your legs and waving your arms, are you excited!?”. Very young children can still pick up on your facial expressions and tone even if they don't understand words yet.  
  Find ways to soothe their strong emotions in the way that works best for you and them - gentle music, holding them etc. Then, when they are more calm and regulated, show them ways to express their feelings - for example, tell them a story about feeling frustrated and take a few deep breaths together to mirror how to calm down.

4. Mood:

• What it is: This is the natural tendency towards a happy or unhappy demeanor.
• Spot the signs: Slow to warm children tend to have a somewhat serious/observant mood. They may show some positive emotions externally while others might be more subdued. Ex: they may smile and play in the bath, and are serious when introduced to new people or cry when left alone.
• Pro-tip: Help them know that it is ok  to express himself/herself in their own way. You can label emotional reactions as an encouragement to develop emotional vocabulary - “Your face shows me you feel sad - did you not like doing that?”. When they express emotions externally, validate them and join in too “I can see you’re smiling, you must be enjoying this!”

5. Activity:

• What it is: The general level of motor activity.
• Spot the signs: Slow to warm children might prefer quiet activities and are more likely to be able to sit still during activities. They may prefer playing with blocks, reading etc.
• Pro-tip: Make sure your child has lots of opportunities to perform calm activities like blocks, reading etc. Designate quiet areas around the house for them to relax, observe and play at their pace. Let them know it's ok to take breaks during the day if they're tired.

When it comes to sleep training, slow to warm up children might do better with more gradual approaches to learn to fall asleep independently, while remaining consistent with bedtime routines and the right sleep environment.

Easy Temperament: Cheerfully adapting

Researchers named this group of children ‘easy’ because they were found to present few challenges in caregiving. But they point out that, even with ‘easy’ children, there could be unique situations creating challenges as they grow up. Ex: when there is a severe conflict between expectations at home vs school, they might struggle to adapt. 

The following 5 traits mainly contribute to this temperament type:

1. Regularity:

• What it is: The predictability of biological functions such as sleep and hunger.
• Spot the signs: Easily keeps up pretty regular timing everyday with sleep, naps, bowel movements.
• Pro-tip: Provide your child with daily schedules/routines that they can feel secure with, share these with others who might care for them. You could help your child learn to feel comfortable with unplanned interruptions in their schedule by using descriptions to label how it makes you feel when this happens.

2. Adaptability:

• What it is: The ease with which the child adjusts to changes or new situations.
• Spot the signs: Disliked a new food but quickly grew to accept it, was passive at first bath and now enjoys it, afraid of a certain toy at first but now plays with it happily.
• Pro-tip: You can accommodate your child's interest to explore by introducing new situations often. Still, keep an eye out for behavior signaling they have had enough changes - they might still want to stick to their daily routines such as feeding, napping and sleeping times.

3. Approachability:

• What it is: The initial response to new stimuli, such as people or environments.
• Spot the signs: Readily approaches new people and situations. Might approach strangers readily, sleep well in new environments, play with new toys immediately, and easily try new food.
• Pro-tip: You can provide your child lots of time for social interaction. Be close by to help them interact with other children, especially with a child who is less approachable. Also actively allow them some time for self play.

4. Intensity:

• What it is: The energy level of responses, whether positive or negative.
• Spot the signs: May not cry when diaper is wet, whimpers instead of crying when hungry, does not or fusses only a little when changing clothes etc
• Pro-tip: Create activities that help them learn more about their emotions  and recognize them - ex: a feelings chart with pictures of emotions, or a book about feelings. Help them by naming their feelings - "You are pouting, are you sad the kitten ran away?". Explain to your child what others might be feeling -"The baby is crying because she fell down and hurt herself"

5. Mood:

• What it is: The general tendency towards a happy or unhappy demeanor. Children with an easy temperament have a generally cheerful and positive demeanor.
• Spot the signs: Might smile at everyone, laugh loudly while playing, and stay in a generally positive mood most of the time.
• Pro-tip: Enjoy opportunities to share smiles, laughter and fun games with your child. Describe and verbalize feelings of sadness, anger or fear to them as well, so that they learn these feelings are ok too!

Embracing Uniqueness

Remember, there is no "good" or "bad" temperament. Whether your child is easy-going, slow to warm, or full of intense feelings, each trait is just a part of their awesome little selves. The key is to understand your child's unique needs and create an environment that supports their strengths and needs. 

About 40% of babies are thought to have an easy temperament, 15% are slow to warm up, and 10% are highly sensitive. Within the same 3 temperament types, the traits can vary in intensity, and influenced by the environment and by nurturing. About 35% of children have a combination of different characteristics and cannot be placed into the 3 overall temperament types. This shows us how wonderfully unique our children are, and how external influences can help them shape and evolve. 

We recommend using this knowledge about temperament as a tool to see the uniqueness of our children, their nature, and approach everyday challenges with more understanding. After all, every parent could use a bit more harmony and a few less blues!

Celebrate the uniqueness of your child and navigate parenting with confidence. 🌟🌛

For more personalized tips on baby sleep based on temperament, we are just an email away - hello@mellow.baby.

Sources:

1. Temperament and development: In book: Temperament in childhood (pp.187-248), publisher: Wiley, Editors: Kohnstamm, Bates & Rothbart

2. The Origin of personality: Scientific American, pp 102-109, 1970 by Alexander Thomas, Stella Chess and Herbert G. Birch

3. Temperament: Theory and Practice by S. Chess and A. Thomas

4. Your child is a person: a psychological approach to parenting without guilt by S. Chess, A. Thomas and H. G. Birch